Taste of the Good Life

PUBLIC DISS-ENT

It’s a universal fact that no one likes being dissed.  Whether a friend clicks the Ignore button when you call (and you can clearly see her in line ahead of you at the store), or you say “Hello” to somebody in the hall and get snubbed, being dissed can be a humiliating experience.  One of the most prevalent examples of this public disgrace can occur while trying to give a high-five.  Since the video below contains not only a high-five diss, but also a mascot (I try to incorporate mascots into the blog whenever I can), I thought it was a good idea to share (for the full effect, try to watch the full screen version):

Come to think of it, what is a mascot doing at a track meet anyway?

EAT AT YOUR OWN RISK

The employees at an out-of-town Jersey Mike’s sandwich shop I went to told me a customer often calls ahead and places a questionably healthy special order.  This “special” order involves getting a giant-sized sub (14 inches) with double meat, then asking for the bread to be hollowed out inside.  Take a moment to picture a sub roll with the bread inside carved out and ask yourself this question:  Why does he want it to be hollowed out?  Well, that’s easy . . . he simply wants the inside to be completely filled with creamy mayonnaise.  Nothing like a delicious mayo canoe for lunch to get your afternoon started out on the right foot.  I’m not here to judge others based on their poor eating habits, because I do a pretty bad job in this department myself, but I can honestly say that I’ve never considered 10 oz. of a condiment inside my sandwich as an option.

Picture This as Bread and Fill 'er Up

GRAND PRIZE LOSER

Many times for a promotion, professional sports teams will have contests that let fans compete for the chance to win prizes and allow them to have their “15 minutes of fame.”  One contest, in particular, just happened in New Orleans during the first round of the NBA playoffs.  During halftime of one of the Hornets’ games against the Lakers, a lucky fan was called out of his seat and given the opportunity to shoot a half-court shot in front of 25 thousand screaming onlookers.  If he made it, he would win the grand prize.  Amidst all the excitement and jubilation of being selected for the shot, he pulled himself together, gathered his nerves and heaved up the ball from just behind the half court line.  The ball left his hands on target, arched high, approached the basket, and . . . nothing but net!  He nailed the shot!  The arena went crazy and the fan could barely believe what he’d just done.  This was truly a once in a lifetime shot.  He threw his hands in the air, shouting with excitement.  All there was to do now was to await his prize.  Surely a half-court shot, made at the venue of a lucrative professional sports franchise would warrant an enviable reward.  $10,000?  A new car?  Free season tickets?  His mind raced wildly.  All of those would’ve been logical choices, but the good folks at the Hornets franchise instead opted to reward this fan with . . . a year’s supply of Sprite.  They also estimated that a year’s supply was approximately 182 cans (about one every other day).  Using an estimate of $0.50 per can, the total value comes to a measly $91.  Now, I’m not one to scoff at $91 worth of food or beverage, but considering that most people at the arena probably paid 3 times that for their ticket, something doesn’t seem right here.  I think the nicest word that comes to mind is “frugal.”  Maybe bad management decisions like this contributed to the Hornets being bounced in the first round.

As a side note, I’m guessing that the guy who orders the mayo canoe sandwiches would strongly disagree that 182 cans of Sprite would suffice as a year’s supply.

Here You Go, You Earned It